Why can't I find inspiration? There's just nothing in my mind. I will not lie, I don't want to kill myself, but I do want to die. Things are too complicated, it's too much for my brain. The problems I have, the struggles, the endless pain. My soul was once blue, and now it's turning red, if it continues this way, I'm gonna get angry and someone is going to end up dead. I just want to be happy, can't you do that please? I'm begging you, I'm even on my knees. You act like my friend, but it's all just for show, I see what you're doing, what? you didn't think I would know? You're causing everyone pain Sam, you're hurting me and Tori, I hate how you act like you're the one in pain, like we should pity you, what's the purpose? what do you want, for us to say sorry? we did nothing wrong, you aren't the one dying, quit acting like this, quit acting sad and play crying. I love the old you, but you've turned into a monster, how do I fix this one? throw Jonah in the dumpster? Anyway, I gotta go now, this conversation has to end, I just want you to know, I'll always remember the old you, the you that was truly my bestfriend
So we left off when i was 11? okay so i believe that was the year i got black ops 2 and alot more "friends"
it was an okay time, i actually met a girl i really liked online, i actually fell in love the first time i met her.
me and her became best friends and really close :)
we talked all the time, i would actually look forward to being stuck at home all day :/
(im going to give all these people fake names, so we are going to call the girl i liked from part 1 pikachu, and we will call this one hitler. i'll give people fake names as we go.)
but damn, i loved hitler just as much as pikachu.
it felt fucking amazing.
but you know me, I FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
i told her my feelings and she said she had a boyfriend
i was fine with this cause we were still friends after all right?
she deleted me off her friends list after i went to bed...
i woke up, i sent her a message asking why she deleted me, she was on 24/7 so i know she should have answered....
i checked for like a week sending message after message!
she didn't reply... i was destroyed... i hated myself and my life...
i was depressed to the point of trying suicide, i cried every night and eventually started cutting.
i asked for help from my "best friends" all of whitch where online friends...
all i got was a "fuck off" and a "not my problem"... except for one friend...
he said "if you kill yourself i will too"
i said "no please don't!"
we argued about it for about 10 minutes
then he said "goodbye forever"
and before i could reply he got off...
At this point my life was absolute SHIT!
i miss hitler, i lost a good friend and im adicted to cutting...
it's near the end of the year now, i had just turned 12
i felt like this was all life was now... cutting, depression and suicide attempts...
but i met a girl IRL around this time, and i didn't think much of it, but she is really important later so we'll call her Gorge W Bush
but i thought Gorge W Bush was just going to be some one who would leave almost immediately.
she actually stuck around though
anyway, im filled with depression and i meet another girl around the beginning of the year, so we will call her Jan (get the joke? JANuary) so i started to kind of like Jan
Pretty damn hot and my type of girl
i start hanging out with her abit but trying not to get hurt again cause im still really hurt from the last girl
but we skip forward to summer at the beginning im still really damn upset about hitler and i try talking to her again not expecting shit, but i do it anyway and she actually responds! but she says fucking bullshit! she said "oh im sorry! my thing deletes people randomly and sometimes i forget to re-add them"
I KNOW THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT CAUSE IT'S BEEN FUCKING 6 MONTHS AND AT THE TIME I ASKED YOU OUT! SO YOU SHOULD FUCKING REMEMBER ME!
i of course didn't say this but i knew everything that came out of her mouth was complete shit
but i play along
so anyway i talk to her every now and then, not as much as before, and everything she tells me now is basically a lie but i play along with it all... still do go along with her shit but whatever.
anyway i think this is enough for part 2, part 3 will be here soon :)